Author: Jamie
Type: Song fiction
Rated: PG
Home: Epic-Love-Story.Org

Nick picked his glass up from the stone table beside him. He took a long gulp and continued to read the magazine before him. US Weekly was jammed packed full of weddings and baby watches, things that belonged to happy, dedicated couples, all of these he was not. He rolled his eyes in disgust at the number of people dedicating their lives to each other, especially people that would not be together months from now, like Nicole and Joel.




He sighed again and flipped another page loving the slight breeze that had rippled across the water. Sitting by the pool had seemed like a wonderful idea a little bit ago. He had gotten the mail and had poured a glass of pink lemonade and decided sitting on the patio would be his best course of action. He did not however, take into consideration that it was more than a hundred degrees outside. He had been outside for a couple hours now, and could already feel the burn of the sun on his back and face. He knew he would be sorry later once the hot sun went down and his rosy sunburn became more prominent.




Stretching he flipped another page in the magazine, Healthy Summer Eating tips was the title. He chuckled softly and brushed his golden blonde bangs out of his eyes. Who really read all these articles he wondered. Why should eating right be different in the summer than the winter. Shouldn’t you really work on your body in the winter so you look better for summer he thought, then rolled his eyes. Who really cared what shape your body was in. Beauty was only skin deep. Just because you were attractive did not mean you would live happily ever after. Sure it was nice most of the time. Good for a quick ego fix, or one sweaty night twisting the sheets, but in the long run where did looks get you if you did not have the personality to go with it? No where Nick knew. He may have know that more than anyone ever could.




He had the world at his feet, at least he had at one time. He had millions of girls and guys for that matter, practically begging to be his one and only, but none of that seemed to phase Nick. He did not care that millions wanted to be with him. He only wanted one girl, the girl. The one he had loved and lost.




He picked up his glass again and downed the sugary contents before setting the empty glass back on the table. He was more thirsty now than he was when he had started this little afternoon sob fest. He was tired of sitting around feeling sorry for himself, and where the hell had this magazine come from anyway. He could not remember ever ordering a subscription. He flipped back to the cover. Nick Carter, it said on the bottom right mailing tag. He wondered briefly if one of the guys had ordered the magazine for him as a joke. Guess the joke was on them. They probably never thought he would actually sit down and look through it.




He folded the magazine in half and picked up his glass. He pushed open the sliding glass door that led into the house and smiled happily when his heated body entered the air conditioned living room. He tossed the magazine onto the coffee table and made his way into the kitchen. He sat the glass down and shook the pitcher that had once held the pink lemonade.




“Damn It!” He swore.




The lemonade was gone and judging by the look of the canister, he did not have enough sugar to make another pitcher. He sighed in frustration and opened the refrigerator desperately looking for something to quench his thirst. A small carton of eggs and a jug of milk that looked oddly lumpy were the only contents in the refrigerator confirming Nick’s earlier suspicions. He would have to go to the grocery store.




Nick could not even remember the last time he’d set foot in a grocery store. Usually he just wrote out a list of the things he wanted, or needed, and gave them to his housekeeper, Greta. Greta had a family emergency the week before and had to take some time off, leaving Nick with a filthy house and no food to speak of. Sometimes it did not pay to lead such a privileged life.




Nick shuffled around the kitchen trying to decide which grocery store he was less likely to be recognized at. He hated when fans followed him around begging for autographs when all he really wanted to do was run his errands and get the hell home. He hated going out in public, he hated the mob scenes that always seemed to ensue no matter what he wore to disguise himself. Mostly he just hated everything.




He hadn’t always felt that way. There used to be a time when he thought life would never get any better. He was happy, in love and successful, then all of that was pulled out from underneath him. That or he threw it all away, he wasn’t sure which way it had went anymore.




Nick sat leaned across the island to get a slip of paper and a pencil, sitting on the barstool he started to compile his grocery list. He didn’t remember exactly when everything turned so sour. He knew that his wanting to create his very own solo album caused the majority of the problems. Nick couldn’t understand that. Shouldn’t those that claimed to love him have been happy that he was doing something productive in his down time besides drinking and smoking his life away?




That’s not the way it happened though. The fellas, management, they all turned on him. They told Nick he was going to lead to the demise of the group, that he was putting the final nail in the coffin of their success. He tried to reason with them, he tried to explain. He tried expertly to make them see his side of the story, his points, his ideas, but the didn’t. All they saw were the lack of sails and the betrayal they felt Nick had caused. They didn’t stop to think about how they were betraying Nick.




She was the only one who stuck by Nick as he wrote and recorded what he hoped would be his debut as a man. She stayed with him in the studios as he cried for his fellow band mates. She held him when he couldn’t find the lyrics to go with his melody, she was everything. She had always been everything to Nick, ever since they met at the beginning of the Black and Blue tour, but then she was more than everything. She was his lifeline, his only reason for existence. She made him complete, and he had hurt her badly. Because of that she left.




She was a make up artist, skilled in her craft. She could make even the most unattractive person radiant with beauty. At least that’s the way Nick felt every time he sat in the make up chair and allowed her to paint his face. He felt he had loved her from the moment he saw her. He loved the way she tossed her beautiful brown hair over her shoulders and concentrated whole-heartedly on what she was doing. She gave her clients her full attention, listing to what they wanted and recreating their images. She was beautiful, perfect, and halfway through the tour she was his.




It took a lot of convincing on his part, more so than he would have liked to admit. He wasn’t used to girls giving him a rough way around. He was used to girls dropping at his feet, begging to be the one with him. With her though, Nick had to try. He had to make her understand he wasn’t the man that the tabloids painted him to be, he was different.




The first time he kissed her he knew she was the only one he wanted for the rest of his life. Nick had kissed his share of women, but kissing her…it was something he couldn’t even begin to put into words. It was soft, sweet, and meaningful. Nick was sure he could feel everything her heart felt when he kissed her. He loved that feeling.




Nick had never been one to want to settle down, that is until he met her. He never dreamed of being married and having a family. He was perfectly content in his party boy persona. He liked the sex, the drinking, the attention. He never desired to be tired down to one girl, having to answer for his every action, but with her, Nick found himself telling her things he wouldn’t dare tell anyone else. He wanted her to know everything, and in turn, he wanted to know everything about her.




In the early stages of their relationship, they would spend the long bus rides from city to city curled up together in Nick’s bunk talking. They both told stories of their pasts, their childhoods, school days, first loves. They were completely open and loving. Everyone was amazed to see the change in Nick. It was definitely a change for the better. He was happy all the time, almost giddy. The other boys were delighted to see Nick come out of his shell and open himself up so perfectly to another person.




Nick was happy as well, opting to spend all of his free time being with her. The spent every day of the tour together, and when the tour was over and the boys all went back to their respective cities, she moved with him into his Florida home. Nick was happier than he had ever been in his life. He introduced her to his family and friends, she did the same. He had ever intention of marrying her, starting their own family, Then the Backstreet Boys went on hiatus.




Brian and Leighanne had Baylee, Kevin went and auditioned for Broadway, then A.J. and Howie became increasingly busy with their own lives. Nick was at a loss. For years he had known nothing but recording and touring. All the boys were burnt out, they needed some down time, time to be with their families and focus on their lives, all of them except Nick.




“Milk, bread, cheese, lemonade mix, there’s something I’m missing, “ Nick grunted as he tapped his pencil against the island counter.




“SUGAR” he yelped, startling himself in the quiet kitchen. He hated being alone. He hated the silence.




He ripped his list off the top of the tablet and folded it in half. Slipping the paper in his pocket he went off in search of his tennis shoes. He found them beside the couch as he made his way into the living room. Hurrying to put them on he miss tied them and had to start over, After a few minutes he was ready to go. He set the alarm system on his way out the door, forgetting his disguise and having to turn back around and go in after it. He hated grocery shopping.




After arriving at the nearest supermarket, Nick doubled checked his pockets for his list, sighing with relief as he found it. He grabbed a shopping cart and made his way inside the store. He hoped his sunglasses and baseball cap would be enough to disguise he features. He made his way to the dairy section to grab his milk. He couldn’t believe it was really three dollars for a gallon, what did those cows eat that made the cost so high he wondered as he turned the corner. His heart stopped in his chest and he forgot all about the damn cows.




You know if I'd seen her comin'


I'd probably tried to hide


But I came around the corner


And she caught me by surprise...




Nick tried not to stare, but it was all too hard. She was beautiful, more beautiful than he remembered. He mentally knew he should just turn his cart around and go on, forgetting that he had seen her. If she seen him he’d be down for. She could always see through his disguises. Nick didn’t move, scared and his heart beating fast he swallowed hard. She was putting bread into her cart when she looked up and caught Nick’s eye. She smiled, a soft smile. Nick mentally braced him self. He could feel the fireworks that he was sure would ensue. They hadn’t been in the same room since that night. He could only imagine the things she would say to him.




She turned her cart and made her way towards him. She stopped a few feet away and smiled again, nto a happy smile, but not a sad one either. Nick silently hated himself all over again. He used to be able to read her every emotion, know her every thought. He had no idea what she was thinking or feeling. He willed his heart to be still, he knew she could probably hear it beating rapidly in his chest.




“Hello Nicky, how’ve you been?” She asked softy, never once showing a trace of emotion.




There was no ice cold shoulder


There was no ugly scene


She just smiled and didn't say


The things I thought she'd say to me...




Nick didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know how to respond. This, this niceness, platonic niceness wasn’t something he was used to dealing with. He had expected anger, hatred, all those horrible emotions that had come out that night as she ran into the rain. He swallowed again. He couldn’t tell her how he really was she wouldn’t want to know that he had been miserable for months without her, she wouldn’t care. She made it clear when she slammed the door and left that night that she wanted nothing to do with him again. Nick’s heart broke all over again standing there before her.




Well it was nothing' like that rainy night


She left and slammed the door


Not only she don't love me


She don't hate me anymore...

~*Flashback*~




The slamming of the front door sent Nick shooting up in bed. He looked from the nameless girl wrapped in the sheets to the doorway knowing it was only a matter of time before his girlfriend walked into their bedroom and caught him in bed with another woman.




He looked around the room for a place for the girl to hide, but was to late as he heard the bedroom door open. The scream that came next would pierce his heart for the rest of his life. Before he knew what happened she slapped him in the face and left the room in tears. Nick looked from the door way back to the bed, and calmly told whoever this girl was that he thought it was time that she left. The girl nodded and began to gather her clothes. Nick hung his head and shuffled out of the bedroom intent on finding his girlfriend to see if he could salvage what was left of their relationship. He found her on the kitchen floor holding the framed photo that had once set on the island. The glass was broken and setting beside her. The tears that fell from her eyes bore into Nick’s soul and made him feel like even less of a man.




He sunk to the floor and tried to take her into his arms, but she wasn’t having any of it and shoved him away.




“Leave me alone Nick, “ she said with venom in her voice.




Nick’s eyes widened in fear, he’d never once seen her this upset, but then again he’d never cheated on her before either. The pain from her slap returned and he rubbed his cheek absentmindedly.




“Baby…I’m so sorry, I know that doesn’t much matter, but you have to know she meant nothing. I’m sorry. I’m so messed up, I know it’s not an excuse and I’m sorry. She was the one that interviewed me here today. You know how messed up my head’s been, I’m so sorry baby,” Nick pleaded with her to understand.




“That’s just is Nick. Everything is about you and your problems. I put up with your selfishness because I loved you so much, but you brought all your pain and misery on yourself. I’m done with you. I’ve stayed by your side now for months trying to support you, and what did that get me? Nothing but a lot of sleepless nights alone because you’re out partying, or promoting, trying to forget the pain your “brothers” caused you, you never once stopped to think about the pain you were causing me. I’m so tired Nick. I’m tired of fighting to be the most important part of your life only to fall by the wayside. I’m just done. I’m going to pack my things and I’m going back to my mom’s. I can’t stay here anymore Nick. I can’t be with you anymore. I love you, and I always will, but you’ve just hurt me too many times, and this…finding you like this…in our bed Nick? What were you thinking? How can you sit there and try to feed me a bunch of bullshit about you loving me? You don’t know the first thing about love Nick, and frankly I’m tired of trying to teach you.” She finished and picked herself up off the floor.




She threw the photo in the garbage can as she left the room in tears. Nick couldn’t move, he couldn’t think. He had just lost everything in a mere matter of minutes because of his stupidity. He knew that he had been careless for awhile, but he’d just assumed it was a phase he was going through and that he would grow out of it. He never imagined that it would go this far, he never imagined she would leave. He got up off the floor and followed her to the bedroom trying to plead with her to stay. She was all ready packing her things.




“I’ll send someone for the rest of my stuff sometime next week, “ She managed through her tears.




She swung her duffle bag jammed with clothes over her shoulder and brushed past Nick to the doorway. Thinking for a second she turned to face the man she loved so desperately.




“I loved you Nicky, I really did. I also hate you for what you’ve done, what you have become. I just wish that me loving you had been enough to save you, save us. ” She whispered softly before she turned on her heel and left the room.




She slammed the front door as she left. The sound echoed throughout the empty hallways and through the empty space in Nick’s heart. He sunk to the floor and cried with everything he had in him. His world had just ended and he had no one to blame but himself.




~*End Flashback*~




I felt like some neighbor


Just some guy she once knew


You'd never know she loved me


And I broke her heart in two


Was she hidin' her emotions


Or did she really get that strong




“I…I’ve been pretty good.” Nick managed to choke out. “The guys and I have been in the studio working on a new album, it’s supposed to be out sometime in either September or October.”




“Yeah, I think I read that somewhere, I’m not really sure. I don’t keep up with that kind of thing anymore.” She said softly never once showing emotions of any kind. “I’m glad to hear that you’re all together again, I bet that made you happy.” “Ugh, yeah, only Kevin left last year, it’s just the four of us now. It’ll be the first record that we haven’t all been together. It’s kind of weird,” Nick said emotionally.




“Oh, I wasn’t aware of that. I’m sure you’ll do fine though, “ She replied looking around and smiling as a man began walking closer.




Right then she turned and


Introduced me to her new friend John

I could tell the way he shook my hand


He'd never heard of me before


Not only she don't love me


She don't hate me anymore...




I tried not to let them see the pain in my eyes and he took her hand and kissed her forehead. I felt like I was going to be sick. I smiled politely.




“Nick, this is John. John, Nick.” She said simply never saying what John meant to her, which only made Nick’s mind wander.”




Nick shook the man’s hand and noted the confused look that crossed his features. He has no idea who I am Nick thought. He felt his heart sink even lower. She clearly no longer had feelings for Nick. That alone made his stomach unsettle.




“Well Nick we’ve got to be going, see you around sometime,” She said curtly, taking John’s hand and turning the cart around.




I guess she got so caught up in him


My memory's gone ignored


Not only she don't love me


She don't hate me anymore...




Nick watched them leave, never once saying anything in return. He couldn’t believe the scene that had just unfolded before him. He hadn’t seen her in so long and the fact that she had clearly moved on made his heart ache. He wanted to cry, but didn’t want to break down in the middle of the store. He abandoned his cart and made his way to the front exit, keeping his head down so onlookers couldn’t see the silent tears that feel down his pale cheeks. He dug his keys out of his pocket and quickly unlocked his Durango. Climbing inside he allowed the sobs to rack his body and the haunted thoughts to plague his mind. She didn’t love him anymore. She didn’t hate him anymore. Clearly she felt no emotion for him whatsoever. That thought alone made the tears fall faster. Everything Nick had ever wanted, ever hoped for, dreamed of, just walked away with another man. This time Nick new it was really over. He had held on to the simple thought of her coming back for much too long. She no longer cared, even if he did it was a useless cause, she had moved on. He needed to do the same.




I know it might sound crazy


But I don't know what hurts me more


Is it the fact that she don't love me anymore...